how to deal every frustrations in life

Sometimes when things don't work out fine just as what we want it to be (which is most of the time) ...we feel frustrated and depressed. We initially feel that it is the end of it. Or there's no other option but the one that has failed. At that first instant its like your world has fallen apart, or you just have been stabbed right through your chest and you can't breathe or think clearly. Or you just see void darkness and you're in the middle of an oblivion doing practically nothing.

It is just the common signs and/or symptoms of frustration. We all feel that kind of thing, maybe just may be in different levels or in different perceptive. Depending on the tolerance of a person in dealing frustration or pain. Humans are not immuned in this kind of emotion. No one wants to be hurt, or want to feel depression or frustration. If only we can choose what to feel, we will all want to feel happiness, joy, pleasure, we all want to feel pleasant and no hint of sadness.

There are stages in life that we must surpass. Every obstacle, every challenge that we must succeed upon. First, is the first hint of darkness. This is when you feel you are stabbed in the chest and cannot breathe. But technically it is only in your mind. You can still breathe because there's nothing wrong with your body parts and everything is functioning well. Second, a pinch of pain. It is when you feel just a little pain at first but you think it is hurting like there's nothing you've felt before. Technically, you really feel the pain but it does not sink yet in to your system. And third, an ounce of rejection and a bit of denial. This is when we feel that its not our loss. You deny that you are frustrated, you deny that you feel depressed and you reject the idea that you are hurt. Fourth, when everything finally sinks in to your system, in your mind, creeping into your skin, throbbing in your heart, when you finally realize what has just really happen..this is when you cry...and cry...and cry...like there's no end of your crying. you pour everything out off your system, out of your body, out of your soul...it is like cleansing your body of the bile, the bitterness, and all the residue of the darkness that has eaten your pride. When you are done crying, when no tears wants to escape your eyes, your tear ducts has dried...and you're tired of crying...and when you feel your head aching...but your inside is sooo light like a feather...that you feel calm and stable...this is the only time you can think clearly...feel clearly...and here comes the fifth stage, learn the acceptance...this is when you are ready to face another challenging day ahead of you. That tomorrow is a new day. A new light that surely will be peering into your window in the morning...in that you will figure out what to do and soon you'll find courage and confidence again. Til then you will realize that it is not the end the end of it after all...but a new beginning of a chapter in your life.


It is because, we plan for it in our mind as what we perceive it to be

keeping my blog alive

Wow! it's been an eon since I last posted. There were times that I want to write but too lazy to do so. I have this pocket diary that I acquired lately for 2010, try as much as I can to scribble the thoughts I have in mind. And also to remind me of the things that has happened and things I bought and places I've gone to. Fortunately, I manage to write in most of the time, even some boring days that I have spent only in the house cleaning, resting, watching dvd or simply doing nothing. But right now, I want to keep my personal blog alive again. hopefully I could maintain to write from now on. hopefully...still keeping my fingers crossed. let's see...

my memory loss

I am admittedly an absentminded person. I am forgetful most of the time. I don't know exactly what was wrong with me. But even though I myself get pissed everytime, I manage to survive. Recently though I am quite busy with all the the things I am concerned of, I notice myself that my mind is still intact. Funny that I seldom forgets...

Don't Cry Out Loud

A few years past when I was in deep sorrow and there's no way to release what I'm feel inside. I fell asleep crying, soaking my pillow in tears. I had a habit of listening to the radio when I sleep. In the middle of he night still wary about my suppressed emotion, a song woke me up. I don't know the title but twas a familiar love song. I easily remembered the lyrics because it is how i felt that time. The song is "Don't Cry Out Loud" by Melissa Manchester, the song goes like this.

Don't Cry Out Loud

Baby cried the day the circus came to town
'cause she didn't want parades just passin' by her
So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown
While she danced without a net upon the wire
I know a lot about 'er 'cause you see
Baby is an awful lot like me

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind her dreams among the litter
The different kind of love she thought she'd found
There was nothin' left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can't be broken 'cause you see
She had the finest teacher-that was me-I told 'er

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high ang proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost made it

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

end


No one would listen and understand the feeling...
I learned not to cry out loud, and keep it inside. I learned how to hide my feelings. And the feeling is sooo miserable, the pain is literally lacerating my insides. The only consolation I got was,

Fly high and proud,
And if you should fall,

remember I almost had it all.

I was left in misery emptiness, loneliness, and in an dreadful pain.
It was the hardest emotion I thought I wouldn't comprehend and overcome. Until I fell numb all over... I promised myself this would be the last. I hate this feeling, this pain, this nightmare...I said to myself this is it. I won't allow this to happen again. To recur the feeling, the emotion, the pain. Or else I will be permanently paralyzed...and yet...seems like promises are again meant to be broken....

Another Year

it's a Vday!

It's a Vday! When I woke up this morning, I checked my cellphone and found a message that made me laugh. It goes like,

Nanaginip ako kagabi
kumakain raw ako ng cotton candy
maraming cotton candy



maraming maraming cotton candy


paggising ko wala na...






wala na 'kong unan...





punda na lang...

happy vday!

I don't know who the sender was but thanks for making me laugh...hahaha.


The message itself didn't make me laugh but the thought of it... I know someone when she wakes, she always makes her pillow...pillowless... haha. It's still a mystery for me how she uncovers her pillow as she sleeps...

The World I Know

by: Collective Soul

Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.

I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.
Are we listening
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding Into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
As the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know.

untitled

When I was a child, I used to think that we are very poor. I always hear my mother say that we should be thrifty because we don't have money. She used to buy me the cheapest notebook, intermediate pad and school supplies and stuff like that, which she bought in the bookstore she works at that time. I didn't experience to have disney character shoes, notebooks, stuff toys, pencil case which my classmates have. Its not that I'm envious of those material things, but I manage to understand that we can't afford those. And so I believe that life is hard at an early age. We seldom go out to grocer for food, and if we did, a one thousand budget is all we have. We didn't lavish ourselves for an abundant meals, but we indulge ourselves watching cinemas, eating budget meals, strolling and window shopping. Which I thought was everything we could do and afford.

But as I grow older and understand what life is all about. I was kinda deceived. What I have perceived as a child seems to be false when I grow up. Well living is still hard, esp. when everything you see keeps rising. But its not as hard as I thought. Or maybe my lifestyle is more comfortable than my mother's or what we used to have? I don't know how she spends money thinking that my father is working abroad and she receives remittance (though its not that much). We don't have rent to pay, no tuition fees, and just minimum consumption of electricity and water bills. But all that seems to be very hard for us. I just wonder why?

And now that I'm working and at the right age. Getting hold of my own money and budgeting (oh well, have I learned to budget) haha. All I enjoy recently is how to spend. But anyways, I love spending money. It feels great. haha. Money haven't eaten my pride and principles. I won't allow myself be overpowered by it. I learn how to enjoy what I have and not keep it like everyone does. Cuz its lonely if you keep all your money and live so thrifty at all times. When you instantly die unexpectedly you'll not be able to make use of it. You can't use your savings. You didn't enjoy your lilfe. You didn't know what life is all about. Sometimes people forget to enjoy. They completely forget the reason why they work. They need to spend a great time also. Yes, I''l be saving some too for the future but let us not forget to LIVE our LIFE. That's the most important thing.

But now living my own life seems not as hard as what I have learned through her. Living life is hard if you think it is. But on the positive attitude I think its not. My mother is a pessimist. And I'm an optimist. That's why we always clash on different point of views. Everything seems to be complicated and harder for her. When I always think on the brighter side of all things. I think living in the right attitude is better than dwelling on the pain and difficulties that you are experiencing. Saying always "Wala akong pera." seems to become reality if you think about it. and being problematic always and not thinking of the solution or ways how to solve everything would make you miserable. Lets just LIVE LOVE AND LAUGH. haha.

"Money is not everything."


I believe that money can't buy everything in this world. Its just an instrument. But when caught in a loose, it can change a person into something he is not. But I personally salute those people with or without money they remain the same.


Money is the source of greediness, discontentment, fear, power, and crime. Everyone aims to have money to gain power and to be on top of everyone else. But does it truly satisfy the thirst and hunger? and above all what satisfaction does it give if you have already become a monster of your own greed?

Just Have Faith

I'm not the religious type of person. I was born Roman Catholic as inherited. I go to church on Sundays when I was in High School, then after the mass we stroll at SM North Edsa. It was I think became a routine in our family. It is how my brother and I were encouraged by my parents to attend mass every Sunday (which we mutually liked actually).

I have a different view on 'religion' as opposed to my mother. It was a kind of orientation I grew up with. Since I entered kinder I never had a 'religion class' neither did I have 'values education.' It is a common joke to my schoolmates when asked about 'values' we'd always say, 'wala kaming values e." (we don't have values.) Its not that we don't have values per se, but we don't have the subject as part of our curriculum. I'd always say, "Hay naku, tinawag ko na nga lahat ng santong kilala ko dahil sa sobrang hirap at sakit." (Haay, I even called all the Saints I knew for its hard and painful). It is actually an expression or more of an exaggeration. But surprised of what I just have said. I stopped, and realized that I don't know the names of the saints. If I were to blame who for not knowing all the saints. I might question the UPIS Curriculum or the UP Administration. But what the heck, I'd already answered that a long time ago. "Better leave the teachings of God to the proper authority. And leave the teachings of knowledge of mankind to the educators of universities as the instruments of God."

I was brought up in a different kind of environment, different orientation, more liberal, more radical, more of an 'atheist' outsiders might think. But its not. We weren't, and we aren't atheists. We have the freedom to choose what to believe in, and freedom not to. And ones you already knew what to believe in, it is stronger and more than powerful. Because it is your own choice. And it is not forced on you to believe something that you don't. It is FAITH.

I have my own faith.

I believe in God.

I pray.


When I was in College, I have broken our family Sunday routine. I was mostly out. I didn't like the way my mother thinks of herself being blessed every Sunday having mass thrice or more. But little she knew she doesn't apply the teachings learned at Sunday school. She mostly commits sins and forget the values taught in church. The reason? She has stronger ties with the church than me who doesn't.

I then rarely attend church since then.

I don' t religiously attend mass, or hear the teachings of God. But I have my own faith. I believe that the most important thing that one should know is to be good and do good to people around you. Corny it may seem but my pattern in life is the teachings of Confucius, 'the golden rule.' I believe in the law of Karma, though its a Buddhist teaching. But I find it reasonable and logical. There's a good karma for a good deed and a bad karma for a bad deed.

When there's something I want, I pray hard for it. I believe that when I sincerely pray and ask for it, how impossible it may be. He'll hear me. He'll find a way. And God always has a way.

And I can say prayer really works. I've tested it several times and it didn't fail me. I believe in God. I trust God. And I surrender to Him. Just have faith.

Hindi ako Arsonista (I'm not an arsonist)

I'm not an arsonist. It was an honest mistake. An accident. My absentmindedness struck again. I almost burned a section of our backyard. A pile of plastic garbage which I segregated was burnt down including the plastic pot and half part of the small plastic table. Geez. I was at my computer writing when i smelled something plastic burning. i thought it was my computer overheating but when i went to the kitchen to check things out. i saw something smoking outside the closed glass window. And there it was everything was aflame. My initial reaction was to put the fire out by splashing a pail of water (which was already available a couple of step from it). The flame instantly died down. With no further ado I picked up everything to hide my crime. But unfortunately it was damn obvious. Everything was burnt and the yellow paint of our wall was also burnt. I had to confess about it and accept my fault. Whatever it takes. It was my fault and no one else to blame but me. (Right now I had it hidden in the trunk of the car and throw it when the garbage collector arrives). Whew. It was a lesson learned not to overestimate the capacity of a hairline of coal pretending to have died...

"The smallest thing is the ones to be afraid of, for its ability is not apparently seen."

Tell me that you love me

There's this song I like and everytime I hear it played, I'd always ask what the title was. I keep forgetting. But anyway here it is, Tell Me That You Love Me by Terri Gibbs

So far away on a cold, lonely night
If I could only hear your voice, then I'd be alright
Tell me that you love me,
Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air
Telephones are lonely
Tell me you're alright
I just want to feel you near
When I lay down tonight.
I'd give anything to see your face
Just to share the silence of your eyes
Your love is something no one can replace
While I'm gone I don't want you to cry Please don't cry.
Tell me that you love me, Tell me you're okay
Telephones are lonely
It sounds so far away
Tell me that you need me
Tell me it's alright
I just want to hear your voice
When I lay down tonight.
I'd give anything to taste your kiss
Just to feel your body touching mine
It hurts me to be wanting you like this
So tell me that you love me one more time
One more time... Tell me that you love me
Tell me you're alone
I just want to hear your voice
I'm so far from home
Tell me that you love me,
Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air.
Tell me that you love me,
Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air
Telephones are lonely
Tell me you're alright
I just want to feel you near
When I lay down tonight.


This song is really lonely...Its a real bummer. I'm imagining myself to be in that situation faraway from home, from your loved one and there's nothing you can do. It really breaks my heart.